This Holiday Season has been marred by the tragedy in Newtown, the economy in general, and the loss of hope that has blanketed the nation. Facebook posts are littered with despair and sadness. This is the first Christmas without my mother. My daughter and her family have moved from the area. I am alone in a state that I know longer feel a kinship to. I moved here to be closer to my daughter and a couple of months later they moved for employment reasons. Or at least that is what they said. I would hate to think they moved because I was in the area. LOL I was laid off from a job that I had planned on being my last one. I watched less qualified persons with considerably less seniority be retained on the payroll. I was asked to question my goals and wishes by persons forever critical of others. Many concerns and questions reared their ugly heads in this time of review.
I decided to take this holiday time to revisit the concerning areas of my life and makes plans for the future. One thing that I have taken out of all of this negative news is that our lives can be cut short in an instant through no fault of our own. I want to pursue possibilities that make me smile and leave me less stressed than in times past. I want a job that leaves me with employee satisfaction not one that promotes based on blood ties. I want an employer that treats their employees fairly and with courtesy. Am I focusing on that or the salary alone? When I choose a company to do business with am I getting customer service along with customer satisfaction? Is the trainer I choose to work with providing me with quality time and instruction? Is my home a sanctuary of peace and contentment? Am I failing to pursue dreams because it is simply too much of a challenge? Or is it easier to blame another party for my failure? So while this post will deviate from my usual sarcastic rant, it is something I feel compelled to write.
In my efforts to re-employ myself I discovered a few things. First I was dissatisfied with my previous employment. While it offered me some degree of independent thinking, the independent work style necessary for my position did not equate into advancement. I had reached the end of the road. I was not a family member or friend of management which ensured success. The industry was changing making my position less in demand. Probably most important, I realized I was not valued. At one time I had been but changes in the company model placed less importance on my type of work. Now I was an over 50’s female who was most expendable. The restrictive job market is difficult for younger persons but more challenging for a mature worker. I realize I am not alone in this pool of unemployed and underemployed persons and I realize in some ways I was better off than others but still the sting of “being laid off” was present and sticking to my person like dirty honey.
I also took the time to really look at the businesses I was buying services or products from. I had gotten in to a habit of convenience and cost. Some of the businesses were easy to access but had less than adequate customer service. Others while providing good prices and service were supporting economies outside the United States. When I moved to this new area of residence I visited three feed stores. One was convenient, had adequate customer service but did not always have my products in stock. Another had good customer service but not all my desired products. Yet another had the products but I always waited at least 15 minutes to have my purchases loaded even when there were no other customers than myself. Plus they were more expensive.
The area I moved to is not the Dressage Mecca of the Pacific Northwest. While one excellent trainer exists working with this trainer requires a short jaunt and places me in the same vicinity of some unpleasant clients. Another trainer lacks the competitive and educational edge I desire. Still another does not actively pursue any dressage training. Not many choices in this new environment.
After a couple of months searching for a home with room for my two horses I located what would appear to be more than adequate. Right next door to an indoor arena, it offered an economical option to boarding and housing for horse and human. We all recognize nothing is perfect. In this case the house is a bit hard to heat, lacks sufficient hot water, but has plenty of room and a garage. The barn has lovely big stalls, is devoid of stall mats, floods during rainy weather, and the paddocks require constant repair. The biggest drawback has been the neighbors with a propensity for neglecting their own horses which occasionally reside in the large barn with mine and their pair of aggressive growling barking canines. Not a peaceful environment.
As we grow older we see dreams of our youth fade and disappear. Disappointments are shrugged away with statements of “it wouldn’t have worked anyway” and the positions we settle for take on the guise of responsibility. We ponder in our sleepless hours why some seem to have all the luck while others have none. And we are puzzled by the lack of loyalty exhibited by friends and family when what we do does not meet their standards. We feel adrift in a sea of hopelessness and fear. No paddle to push us to shore.
So this is how I decided to address this situation.
First, I faced the fact that my loyalty for a company that lays off persons with experience and work ethic was misplaced. My departure was their loss. Speaking with past employees made me realize that while none of us are indispensable my former employer would never have matched my loyalty or rewarded my work ethic. Bluntly speaking they were a small family run business that had passed their time of success. I left their employ with less after 8 years than an employee who had worked there 9 months. I was laid off to advance a family member and a friend. Sad but true. Some of you are wondering why I would publish statements such as these. Well I am already receiving poor references from them so how would my statements change that? It won’t and the positive references I have received from co-workers and professional connections far out weigh the discriminatory opinion of a former employer. My future employment inquiries will focus on employee satisfaction, benefits, and progressive employer attitude rather than worrying about my past employer with a closed mind.
Secondly, my money is now going to businesses that are local. Only when need exceeds availability will I buy from a chain store. If you are a local business with poor customer service, I will find another local business to replacement you. My money is too valuable to be left waiting at the door for 15 minutes during a time when you are not busy. I will plan my purchases to accommodate the local business so I feel good about my purchasing power and the businesses I place trust in.
Finally because both my love of Dressage and my residence go hand in hand, I decided that my selection of living arrangements and hobbies has more to do with my goals and than yours. It seems foolish not to pursue them. My friends and family may not agree. They may laugh and shake their heads in disbelief but I see too many people pass the bonds of this earthly plane with regrets. I have moved more than once to accommodate family requests and expectations. I will endeavor to not repeat that mistake. While I believe we should support our aging parents, stay in contact with siblings and be a stable influence for our children and grandchildren, I intend to take care of myself first and foremost now. I have been the chief cook and bottle washer, internal banker, chauffeur, psychiatrist, seamstress, laundress, stable help, costume maker, sounding board, and been blamed for every faulty decision known to mankind. I simply will not do it anymore. This is my time. And if I want to live in an apartment above a barn or a ramshackle plantation house with a leaky roof, I intend to do just that. You don’t have to visit me. I have learned that family is a word that does not necessarily mean blood ties. Your family can be found where ever support is offered.
Many things have changed for me in the last few months. Changes are difficult and often upsetting. I have done more crying than laughing. I want my tears to be tears of joy and success and not tears of disappointment and regret. Wish me well as my new journey begins. Just don’t ask me for money because I have cats, horses, and a love for old houses so my pocket book will be empty. Happy New Year!
No comments:
Post a Comment